"Every time I go somewhere with my child, someone gets hurt. My child always bites another child. I repeat over and over again that biting hurts but again--a bite. I feel terrible and I think we have lost friends because of the biting," says Nathalie, mother of Guy, who is almost three.

"My child and I have stopped going to our local play groups because there's a little girl who always bites my daughter. I'm upset that the mother doesn't seem to be affected by her daughter's behavior. I'm sure there is something she should be doing.," says Chantal, mother of 29 month old, Arianne.

These incidents are common in any setting where young children are present. Although it's not acceptable, the problem is real for the biter, the child bitten and their parents. No one is born a biter. There are four possible explanations why a child may bite: lack of communication skills, aggression, seeking attention and teething. The parent must look at these reasons before trying to deal with the biting.
Being a toddler means a new phase in your child's development. Your child is now mobile and can go where he wants-- when he wants. When he's hungry, he'll search the pantry and say "Hungry." When he's sad, he'll climb into your arms for comfort. When he's excited, he'll get carried away, jump, or skip. The older he is the more words he'll be able to use to express himself.

Communication: A child who is mad or frustrated, can groan or scream but emotions run high and verbal expression might not be so clear. The words won't come and out of desperation...a bite. When two young children are pulling at the same toy, or one child is playing with the other's toys, the child will not have the words to express "Can you lend me the toys?" " Can we play together?" or "Can we share?" If the child is expressing frustration, he must be taught the right way to deal with this. The parents and older siblings can demonstrate the right way to handle the situation, by using words. Don't be afraid to tell your child to use his words. Facial and bodily expressions are taking the easy way out. If your child doesn't know the words, teach them to him.

Aggression: A child may bite another child without a reason. It might be a way of signaling aggression. Aggression is the action, and it causes pain. In no circumstances should the parent accept the biting. Biting hurts. The child must be told that. As the parent, NEVER bite a child who has bitten. Your reasoning might be to show the child the pain caused. In reality, you'll be sending your child the message that biting is okay when you want him to learn that it is not. If you really believe in this method, let the child bite his own finger; he will not want to--it's painful.

Attention: A biter recognizes how to get attention. He might bite on purpose. The child isn't looking for positive or negative attention, he's looking for any attention. It reminds me of that old saying "I don't care if they talk good or bad about me; as long as they talk about me." To get attention, a child may bite another. Maybe the child isn't feeling right that day and needs an extra hug. Without the use of words, your child won't be able to express his desire. Take a few more minutes during the day to reassure the child. Sit down and read him a story. Spend a few more minutes while changing his diaper or just spend some time cuddling him. Try to met his emotional needs.

The parent can get down and be at the child's level. With one hand, hold the child's chin and look him straight in the eye. In a firm voice (don't shout) and with a disapproving expression (but don't scare the daylights out of him) tell him, "No biting. Biting Hurts." Then the parent should turn the attention to the child who was bitten.

Teething: Some children's molars grow in around the second year and they have the need to chew more. If teething seems to be a motive for biting, the biting will be involuntary. Give your child a teether or a piece of hard food such as bagel, or carrot to nibble on.

Although it's unpleasant, biting is normal behavior for a toddler. The child must be aware that biting is not acceptable and you will help them in any way possibly. suite101